Chapter Text
You came home and hadn’t checked your phone since you set it down on our living room table. You won’t even look at me, we had already made up but I think the guilt is finally getting to you. I’m not mad at you. I already fixed that problem. I just wish you would have told me about him. At least I know he didn’t mean much to you considering you haven’t told Matt. You sat next to me and rested your head on my lap. I put my arm to rest on your stomach. You look so stressed and it hurts me, I need to calm you down but in a way you won’t figure me out.
“You good, Nick? Do I gotta give you a massage?” I laughed, rubbing Nick’s side.
“Um, no.” Nick laughed. “I’m just.. thinking.” Your expression changed into a neutral one, as if you were dissociated. Nick shifted around, your face nuzzling into my abdomen.
Oh f*ck, you’re such a tease and you don’t even need to try. I grabbed the remote and put something on. Focusing on a movie made it easier to not think about how easy it would be for you to feel me if I got hard. There was a buzzing noise and you shot up and grabbed your phone, I held my breath as I watched your expression drop. Seeing your eyes water made me want to regret what I did, it was for the best.
“This has to be a f*cking joke.” Nick stood up, you threw your phone against the couch and rubbed your face.
“Hey, what happened?” I grabbed your phone, it was still open to the message I sent you earlier. Lying to you is never easy. I read out what I had just sent to you.
“Tonight was fun. Don't ever text me again though, I’m tired of having to deal with you bitching.” Maybe I could’ve gone a different route.
You looked heartbroken, but that guy must’ve just been a hookup. Maybe I don’t know the full situation yet. “Who is this guy? What happened?”
You sat beside me again, wiping your tears. I put my arm around you and pulled you in closer. Please tell me what he was to you.
“He was a guy I was sort of seeing. We weren’t dating, it was just us messing around for a while.” Nick paused and wiped his tears. “I didn’t think it was anything serious..so why does it hurt so much?”
I sat closer to you and brought Nick’s face into my hands. “Look, I don’t know that guy but he definitely didn’t deserve you if he ended things like this.”
He looked up at me, his eyelashes wet and he smiled. The things I would do to keep that smile on his face. “Thanks. I should’ve told you about him. I guess I was just.. angry. I wanted something for myself.”
I pulled him into a hug, squeezing him tightly. “It’s fine, dude. I’m here for you.”
I felt his body tremble as he hugged me back, his hands fisting the back of my shirt as he hung onto me. “T-thanks. I think I’m gonna head to sleep.”
He got up, but I wasn’t ready for him to leave me yet. This happens often and this same excuse always works. “Can I sleep in your room? I want cuddles.”
He laughed when I followed him up to his room and dramatically wouldn’t let go of his waist. We both went into his room and he went through his cabinets, he picked out a fresh pair of boxers and a tank top. “I’m gonna shower, be out in a minute.”
“Alright.” I replied without looking up from my phone, he shut his bathroom door and I heard him turn on his music. Of course it was max volume, I won’t be surprised if Matt wakes up and is all pissed in the morning.
I haven’t gotten a chance to check in on you in a while, or your things. You keep your room dirty obviously. I reached over to open your nightstand. Nothing too interesting, you had some chargers and random sheets of paper. I checked the bottom cabinet and honestly you surprised me. I never thought you’d keep a dild* in your nightstand, a bottle of lube sat right next to it.
Besides that you didn’t seem like you were hiding anything. The rest of your drawers were filled with pants, socks, and normal sh*t. I was just about to close your underwear drawer until I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I guess I really haven’t paid enough attention to you, I never took you for a guy that liked skirts. I took it out, a nice pink skirt that’s obviously made to show off your ass. f*ck, you’d look so good in this. I can’t take this though, that would be too obvious and it pains me to put it back. To try and ease the ache in my heart I took one of your boxers. We wore the same brand but it was nice to have one of yours. Maybe I am going to hell.
I heard you turn off the shower, I quickly got up and scrambled into the sheets. I shoved your boxers into my pocket and pretended to sleep.
His footsteps surrounded me, he opened his mouth to speak but he cut himself off as he noticed that I was “sleeping.” How sweet of him. He stood a couple feet away from me, he dropped the towel from his waist and I missed his body. I never understood why he was so insecure, he’s beautiful. That might sound narcissistic because he does look oddly similar to me, but that’s different. Once you got changed into a pair of blue boxers and a tank top you crawled across the bed to lay next to me.
I turned over, putting on a fake sleepy voice as I nuzzled into your warm chest. “Cuddles.”
“Fine. Big baby.” You sighed, your arm slipped around my waist.
“I can be your baby.” You laughed at my joke, slapping the side of my arm.
“Ow! Asshole..”
You fell asleep, your expression so relaxed as you held me close to you. I don’t know how I’ll be able to keep myself away from you. I know how bad I can get, and I don’t want to hurt you.
-
When we were still in our senior year of highschool that was when I promised myself I’d never let myself watch over Nick again. It got too far and I knew I almost did something bad. This wasn’t the first time I’d dreamt about it.
We were arguing with Matt in the room, it wasn’t rare for the fights to get physical. Obviously I never actually hurt him, I never punched him with anything behind it. The only thing was I got on top of you and pinned your wrists down.
“Get the f*ck off! Chris! That hurts!” Nick looked so angry at me, and I loved it. My grip tightened around his wrists and his expression kept shifting from a scared to an angry one.
“Shut the f*ck up.” I still remember how he shivered when I said that against his ear, I sat on his crotch and he definitely felt me smile against him when he was (obviously) starting to get hard.
“Chris— get off.” He seemed scared, I let go of one wrist and rested it over his abdomen. I’m glad Matt pulled me off of you before anything happened.
We never talked about it after. I couldn’t sleep that night because I knew that I was about to hurt you.
-
I woke up sweating, I thought I had to get away from him. But you were attached to my side like you were a part of me. My hand rested on your lower back. f*ck, I can’t even look at you without thinking of doing something to you. I need to come up with something so that you’re mine, before I try to force it.
